I’ve been collecting your work questions in the AMA About Work form. Here’s an answer to a recent juicy one.

Imagine that you have to write an email to nudge someone on a deadline. How many of you would start it with “I’m just checking in…”? Yeah, me too. I use words like “just” to soften my speech at work so I don’t come off as mean or demanding.

As I was writing, I started wondering – is this an example of patriarchal workplace norms in action? Or feminism? Or some Lean In bullshit? Or my need for people to like me gone awry? 

After you’ve done your fearless inventory, detailing all of the things that you’re doing/not doing that are working against you achieving your One Big Thing (OBT), you now get to explore what exactly is driving you to do those things. 

The Immunity to Change model calls these your “Hidden Competing Commitments;” all of the reasons that you think you should do or not do the things in your fearless inventory that are keeping you from achieving your One Big Thing. 

The next step is to take what Immunity to Change creators Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey call a “fearless inventory.” This is a list of all of the things that you are doing (or not doing) that work against your One Big Thing, or your big goal. 

The second step in making lasting change is to very clearly identify your “One Big Thing” - a goal that you are very passionate about. 

It’s no surprise to any leader that our workplaces are experiencing exceptionally rapid change, and as of now (February 2025), massive changes at the federal level are sowing even more uncertainty, and honestly, fear.

When faced with big changes, whether it’s moving to a different team at work or wanting to live a healthier life, our brains are wired to initially fight against that change. 

Not cool, right? It feels so unhelpful, but trust me when I say your brain is only trying to keep you alive. 

Understanding what’s happening in your brain at a basic level and learning how to strengthen it to make changes will help you stop resisting change. 

I will do almost anything to avoid an uncomfortable emotion or feeling. Eat, drink, sleep, read, talk to someone, watch TV. Pick a fight with my husband about something trivial. Dive into an easy and not necessary project. Here’s how not being able to tolerate discomfort hurts us: 

1. You’re ignoring your body’s signs that something is wrong, or at the very least needs attention. 

2. You’re much more likely to fall prey to numbing activities that aren’t great for you (excessive eating, drinking, etc.) and definitely don’t help you process feelings.

3. Avoiding discomfort only leads to a greater degree of discomfort once you’re finally forced to face it. Which you will. 

As the New Year begins and you’ve taken some time to reflect on the past year, ask yourself how you’re honoring and processing any changes that did take place. 

I’ve found that if I don’t stop and process change, the emotions that come with that change blindside me when I least expect it. Even if it’s a good change, it’s still important to recognize and accept what that means, and there are scary or bad feelings that can come from good change – change, after all, is generally a bit uncomfortable.

The beginning of a year can be a natural time to reflect on how the last year has gone for you. I am personally learning to be better about reflecting; it doesn’t come naturally to me. I like to keep powering forward without processing what’s happened. But I’ve learned in recent years that reflecting can truly help you to gain insight, slow down, and make positive changes.

Set Yourself Up for Success in 2025

As established, I’m a sucker for a January reset. I suspect that most coaches feel the same way – it’s like OUR holiday. I like marking transitions with something that feels tangible (fireworks are great for this). It helps me stop and take in the change, something I’m not great at without a little help (fireworks preferred). 

Let’s ease in with a temperature check. Sit with yourself and ask: “how am I entering this year?” Are you rested and full of energy? Excited about what’s to come? Or exhausted, burned out, and crabby? Picture the smiley/frowny face pain scale they show you when you’re at the doctor’s office and truly check in with yourself. Where are you on the scale? 

What are you leaving behind in 2024? Take five minutes to think about something you don’t want to bring with you into the new year, then build a strategy for how to leave it behind. Fuel your professional growth as a leader by not dwelling on the past and focusing on the future.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and burnt out because your days are a sea of meetings? Try this one tactic to give yourself time to actually get work done every week.

Today I announced on LinkedIn that I am officially leaving my full time job and going into this coaching and consulting business full time. If it’s on LinkedIn, it’s real, right?

Proactively prepare for your annual review with my Quarterly Check-In Guide, which helps you assess yourself and ensure you're on track to meet goals at the end of each quarter.

Sometimes, the limiting factor is you and some very old beliefs about yourself that don't have to be true. What are you holding yourself back from because of a limiting belief? Read on for three tips on how to recognize and reframe your self-limitation.

Set yourself up for success in your new role by downloading this guide of questions to ask your supervisor during the first few months. Onboarding processes can be woefully incomplete —  take charge and get the answers you need to do your best.

Let me teach you how my training as an actor has helped me prepare expertly for interviews.

Are you someone who takes the time to reflect and process? Or are you like me, always charging full steam ahead paying very little attention to how you’re feeling about anything?

I’m a recent convert to the process of reflection, which is proven to boost growth and productivity. I can attest that reflection can absolutely help you make better informed decisions about your work and your life.