Hard at Work Episode 1: Welcome to Hard at Work

Burnout, Beetlejuice, and the Breaking Point

A brutally real origin story of why Hard at Work had to be made.

Summary

In the inaugural episode of the Hard at Work podcast, I’m telling you all about my mission to challenge outdated workplace norms and advocate for a healthier work culture. Drawing from my personal experiences of burnout and frustration within traditional work environments, my goal is to empower you by sharing practical strategies to navigate your career without compromising your well-being. In this podcast, I’ll explore a whole bunch of topics related to workplace culture, mental health, and self-advocacy, featuring both solo episodes and interviews with some very cool and very smart experts. 

Takeaways 

This podcast addresses the broken systems that contribute to workplace burnout.

The current workplace was designed by white men, for white men, and still advantages them. Anyone who isn’t a straight cis-gender white man (or doesn’t want to act like one) has to contort themselves to fit into an outdated mold, often muting their emotions, personality, and intersectionality in order to do so. 

We can work together to make the workplace a healthier and more equitable place. 

This podcast is designed to give you useful strategies that you can use immediately to protect yourself from harmful norms and outdated expectations at work so the environment is healthier for you…and you avoid burnout. No matter what position you hold at work, we’ll be giving you supportive tools to question and resist toxic culture.

Leaders, listen up.

If you are a leader with power to make actual, lasting change to these outdated systems, I’ll be providing you with ways to start getting uncomfortable and proactive to help use your power and privilege to make lasting change, rather than keeping everything running as it has been. 

White leaders, that means you. 

We have been asked over and over by BIPOC advocates and leaders to take on the burden of teaching those who don’t understand the things they need to know to keep the workplace feeling more comfortable for everyone. If that makes you uncomfortable, good! It is! I’m here to help you step into your power and use your inherent privilege as a white human to start to make the changes that are needed. Don’t know what to do? I got you. We’re going to work through it together. 

I’m here because I burned out in a fiery flame of glory. 

I had a career with progression to leadership, and finally got that AVP level role. And then, I burned out. I discovered this while unexpectedly crying through a performance of Beetlejuice the Musical (not known for its tear-jerking qualities) with my family. Too much work, not enough balance, being too hard on myself, avoiding conflict, and getting stuck for years and years in the unrelenting tide of too much work that seemingly would never be finished took its toll. And that’s why I’m here with this podcast - to make sure you don’t have that same experience. 

Notable Quotes

“Over my 20 years of doing the nine to five, I've been told I'm too loud, too smart, too quiet, too sensitive, not confident enough, too confident, too eager, not eager enough. It's exhausting.”

“I finally realized that I would never fit into something that wasn't made for me, like any time I tried to zip up a vintage dress.”

“I've had clients and friends who got so stressed at work trying to “fix” themselves to fit in and do the impossible that they became physically and chronically ill.”

“The workplace of today was designed many years ago by white men for white men. And even though it still doesn't work for white women like me, it works even more aggressively against people of color and women of color specifically.”

“I wore my busy-ness with pride. Yes, I was holding on by a thread and not spending enough time with my family or friends, but I was a leader with a six figure salary, giving my all was what it took, right?”

“I was tired of existing in a culture where there was so much work and so few resources and an archaic system of governance where I was entirely the problem and I was letting people down by not achieving the unachievable.” 

Chapters

00:00: Introduction to Hard at Work Podcast

01:57: Ellen's Journey and Motivation

06:05: Breaking Workplace Norms

12:02: Personal Experience with Burnout

15:57: What to Expect from the Podcast

Keywords: workplace culture, burnout, leadership, coaching, equity, workplace norms, mental health, self-advocacy, personal growth, podcast

Full Transcript

Ellen Whitlock Baker:

Intro:

I'm Ellen Whitlock Baker, a leadership coach, speaker, writer, and a 20-year survivor of many different workplaces, from the good to the bad to the ugly. I created the Hard at Work podcast to help you navigate and maybe even update the workplace, which wasn't made for most of us. Hard at Work is the show for people who are ready to challenge workplace norms, advocate for themselves, and create a more equitable, healthier work culture.

In this podcast, we say the quiet part out loud, bringing humor, real talk, and practical strategies to help you navigate work without burnout, guilt, or compromising who you are. If you're tired of feeling like the problem is you, when it's really a broken system, this podcast is your go-to guide for transforming work on your terms.

Today's episode, my very first, will walk you through what the Hard at Work podcast is all about, tell you a little about me and why I started it, and give you a sneak peek into some of the awesome episodes we have coming your way.

And to be honest, this episode was really tough to get right. I'm trying hard not to aim for perfection, but there's something about putting yourself out there alone, trying to describe why it is that you've decided to be really honest with a bunch of strangers about some hard topics that makes you want to get it right. I've done my best to be able to say the things I want to say, to explain why I'm doing this and why I hope you'll tune in.

But we are barely grazing the surface on so many topics that we'll get into in individual episodes. So stay tuned. Thank you so much for joining and let's get started.

Episode: 

Well, hello, everyone. I'm Ellen Whitlock Baker, and I'm beyond thrilled to be recording my first episode of the Hard at Work podcast. This is something I've been dreaming about for years, and it's incredibly exciting to be actually doing it. And clearly, I'm brand new at it because I just spent 20 minutes trying to figure out why my mic wasn't working to then realize I hadn't turned it on. So new and learning over here.

Thank you for being here and I'm excited to see where we go together. I started the Hard at Work podcast because I want to help you break away from workplace norms that were never designed for many of us.

Over my 20 years of doing the nine to five, I've been told I'm too loud, too smart, too quiet, too sensitive, not confident enough, too confident, too eager, not eager enough. It's exhausting. I have wasted so many tears on bosses, mean girl coworkers, impossible workloads, and trying to reach unrelenting and unachievable standards.

I finally realized that I would never fit into something that wasn't made for me, like any time I tried to zip up a vintage dress. So I got off the merry-go-round of a traditional workplace and expanded my side hustle of coaching and consulting to full-time. It was terrifying, but incredibly freeing. And now I want to use that freedom to help you. I'm here to say the quiet part out loud for those of you who can't.

I no longer have to pretend things are fine when they aren't or fix my face so I don't make people uncomfortable. I can tell it how it is and ask questions that you're worried about asking if you're still in a workplace. Now, as an executive coach, I see my clients bending to fit this outdated workplace culture all the time. The feeling like they can't ignore emails on vacation or speak out against their absolutely terrible or terribly mediocre boss.

I've had clients and friends who got so stressed at work trying to “fix” themselves to fit in and do the impossible that they became physically and chronically ill. I bet you do too. With the Hard at Work podcast, I want to help you understand that you don't have to give everything to your job. Arriving early, staying late, answering emails on vacation, acting like a man to get ahead, shaping yourself to fit some unfittable mold. Because it's unrealistic and it's time we stopped letting these expectations and norms go unchecked. 

I want to help you resist these outdated workplace norms that keep you feeling stuck and powerless with practical tips and actionable strategies to empower you and help you set needed boundaries.

I want to help you understand that it is not too much to want to shine your beautiful self somewhere where you're appreciated and cared for. And when that's not possible, I want to help you learn how to navigate your workplace without giving too much of yourself to a company that cares more about the bottom line than it does about you. 

I want to explore why we're still burning ourselves out when we know the signs and symptoms,why we still think most things are our fault when a lot of the time they aren't. 

So if you've ever been told that you're too much, too loud, don't have enough executive presence, which is one of my very least favorite terms, are acting too smart, are bossy, shouldn't talk too much, should talk more, then this podcast is for you. 

Now, if you hold a leadership role, or if you're someone who's listening to this thinking that you don't understand because you're very comfortable in your workplace, I hope you'll listen in and learn how you can use your power and privilege to start to change the system so we can expect workplaces that work for everyone, particularly if you're a white leader, because by being white, we are automatically granted privilege, and it's on us to use that privilege to start making change. The workplace of today was designed many years ago by white men for white men. And even though it still doesn't work for white women like me, it works even more aggressively against people of color and women of color specifically.

You bet we're gonna explore that on the podcast too. 

So who am I and why should you listen to me? Let me tell you how I got here.

A few years ago, I finally reached my goal of having a high level executive role. I had a whole team to work with, a lot of responsibility, and was working for new leaders who wanted change. I had finally made it, thinking that the ultimate accomplishment was an executive level position for most of my career.

I threw myself into the work with my usual overachieving, people-pleasing perfectionism. I could do this. I worked really hard. I built a team of amazing individuals. I played the games I needed to play to get things to happen, like the meeting before the meeting, over-promising, even gatekeeping. I also stopped exercising or eating healthily. I worked nights and weekends and traveled a ton.

I worked through birthdays, I missed recitals and piano lessons and field trips and vacations. My daughter told people that her mom's job was going to meetings and not being home. True story. But I was getting somewhere. My team and I were making changes, hitting our benchmarks, making an impact. And working this hard, giving so much to work was expected, right?

I wore my busy-ness with pride. Yes, I was holding on by a thread and not spending enough time with my family or friends, but I was a leader with a six figure salary, giving my all was what it took, right? I was gonna be the best leader they'd ever seen. I had a lot of experience and I knew what I was doing. And about a year and a half after I started this job, I found myself in the habit of crying all the way home during my hour-long commute.

And I couldn't always tell you why. I was exhausted and couldn't get enough sleep. I started hitting roadblocks at work and couldn't continue the growth I'd started. I found myself losing patience more quickly. All I wanted to do when I wasn't working was sleep or curl up and read a mindless book. All the classic symptoms of burnout. I withdrew at work.

My team noticed, my boss noticed. We were still hitting benchmarks and innovating, but I was really unhappy and it showed no matter how much I tried to hide it. And it wasn't just me that was affected. My team started to be honest with me that my own drive was driving them to exhaustion. So I did everything I could to get over this unhappiness, this restlessness. I upped my antidepressants. I talked to my friends, my family, my husband, my coach, my dog.

My therapist encouraged me to work on actually feeling my feelings that this would help. And then I realized I was terrible at feeling my feelings. Years and years and years of holding back my feelings at work as best I could, because you are not supposed to show your feelings at work, were starting to wear on my nervous system. I tried to fix myself because I thought I was the broken one. I wasn't tough enough. I wasn't resilient. I was a disappointment.

Then one day, I broke. My husband, daughter and I were watching the musical Beetlejuice. I love musicals, like in an unhealthy way. So I was trying to get hyped even though I was in this seemingly all consuming unhappy state. And about 10 minutes into the first act, I started crying.

Not because the show was sad, it's Beetlejuice, which isn't really known for its tear-jerking qualities, but because I cracked open. I broke. I don't know what triggered it, and it was definitely not a time or a place I wanted to break down, but I did. I sat there in the darkness next to my totally freaked out husband and did my best to stop sobbing, or at least do it quietly. I didn't want my kiddo to see me crying.

But I couldn't stop. I cried through the whole first act, composed myself for intermission, barely, and cried through the second act. Something was very, very wrong. In that moment, I knew, I knew I had to leave this workplace and any workplace that would keep me in the cycle, feeling this rung out and awful. So I started my exit plan. 

I was done constantly worrying about not fitting in at work.

I was done playing silly games to get things done. I was tired of existing in a culture where there was so much work and so few resources and an archaic system of governance where I was entirely the problem and I was letting people down by not achieving the unachievable. So I built up my coaching and consulting business as a side hustle and when it got to a point where I could possibly make it on my own, I left. 

After stepping away from the nine to five,I became painfully aware of how much of myself I had given to work, leaving me in this deep burnout. It's taken a while to unravel myself from that state, and honestly, I'm still working on it.

I don't want you to get there. 

This is why I want to help you break these norms, set boundaries, and create workplaces that actually work for real people, where you don't have to give up your life or values or act in ways that feel gross to get ahead and stay there. Am I saying that I'm perfect and everything was the fault of the system? No, absolutely not. I am and was part of my own problem and got in my own way more times than not. I was not the perfect boss or coworker.

And a lot of that was because I felt like I had to follow these rules that I was just really bad at following. 

And that is why I want to talk honestly and openly about the rules and the norms that are pervasive, even though they really don't work for most of us. 

And this is important. I want to acknowledge that I carry a lot of privilege. I am a cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied white woman. No, the workplace doesn't work that well for me, but it's even worse for women of color, queer folks, disabled folks, and anyone else who doesn't fit the mold.

I have learned that it's important that I use the power that I have to try to make room for those who are disempowered by the current workplace. If you're also a white human, I hope you will join to learn along with me how we can and in fact must take the power we've given to help make change that breaks down these systems. 

I also want to acknowledge that I've learned a ton about workplace identity and structural racism from people of color.I have read amazing books, listened to game-changing podcasts and TED Talks and keynotes, attended excellent trainings, read essays and had conversations. I will absolutely share on the podcast and in the show notes everything I've learned and how to learn more from the people who are the originators of the thought to the best of my ability, so you can buy their books, subscribe to their podcasts, hire them to speak and support them.

And I hope to have many of these folks I learned from on the podcast so you can hear their genius directly as well. And no, I'm not saying that all white men are bad or all white people spend their days plotting how to enforce cultural norms that keep us from equity. Thoughts like this are what's holding us back. It's not either or. We're all a beautiful continuum based on our own lived experiences and identities.

So I hope however you identify, this podcast is helpful for you. But if you're listening to this, you're gonna have to be okay with the fact that yes, we live in a patriarchal society and yes, that system advantages men and white men in particular. And we live with systemic racism, classism, ableism and all the other isms and so many other isms so that in our society,

able-bodied, white, smaller-bodied, wealthy, heterosexual people are often the winners.  Everyone experiences the world in their own continuum, but like it or not, experience it or not, this is the system we live in, and we have to acknowledge that and get really comfortable with how uncomfortable that feels if we ever hope to make real structural change. So stick with me, and let's talk about it together on the podcast.

I hope that you'll join me in learning, unlearning, and crafting your own path forward.

Okay, so that's why we're here. And here's what you can expect. Every week we'll release two episodes, one solo where I tackle a workplace issue and talk through questions from listeners, and one interview with an expert or a real working professional. We're gonna talk about burnout, how to spot it, avoid it, and not cause it. We're gonna talk about bringing your health, we're gonna talk about bringing your whole self to work. Is this a thing you can actually do?, why we think we can't take breaks, perfectionism and its grip on us, the need to be liked at work, crying at work, and so much more. I can't wait to get started and for you to meet the amazing guests and experts I have lined up. So welcome, my friends, to hard at work. We're gonna challenge the status quo, have some fun, and maybe, just maybe, change the way we work for the better. 

See you next time.