Your Core Values Aren’t On A Poster

Jul 24

How to Stop Living by Someone Else’s Rules and Start Leading with What Matters to You

You’ve seen them: Posters on breakroom walls with a climber scaling a cliff that says “Perseverance.” A team of people high-fiving under the word “Collaboration.” Maybe one with a soaring eagle and “Excellence” in bold font.

Let’s be real: those posters don’t help you make actual decisions at work. They don’t tell you when to say no. They don’t guide you when you’re burned out, overwhelmed, or unsure what to do next. And they definitely don’t reflect your truth.

Your real core values are not a list someone else gave you. They’re not resume buzzwords or workplace talking points. They’re the non-negotiables that live deep inside you—and when you’re not honoring them, everything feels off.

Why Core Values Actually Matter

Knowing your true values isn’t just a feel-good exercise.
It’s a tool for:

Preventing burnout
Making confident decisions
Saying no without guilt
Figuring out what’s next when everything feels murky

When your values are clear, even hard choices get easier. When they’re unclear, every decision can feel like a crisis.

So, What Are Your Values?

Here’s a quick gut-check:
If I asked you right now to name your two core values—the ones that shape your behavior and matter more than anything else—could you do it? And no, “hard work” doesn’t count. Neither does “being a team player.” Those are expectations, not core values.

As Brené Brown defines them:

“A value is a way of being or believing that we hold most important.”

So again: could you name yours?

If not, that’s not a failure—it’s an invitation. Because most of us are living by values handed to us by:

Our workplace
Our family
Our culture
A past version of ourselves

And those might not be serving you anymore.

When You Know Your Values, You Move Differently

A few years ago, I did Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead values exercise with a coach, and it was way harder than I anticipated…and way more valuable. It forced me to stop saying what sounded good and start naming what was true.

I see the same thing happen with my clients. They come in saying they value balance, but they’re constantly choosing achievement. They say they value stability, but what they’re really craving is freedom. Once you see that misalignment—it’s hard to unsee.

And when you start to realign? You stop chasing every shiny opportunity. You stop saying yes out of guilt. You stop second-guessing yourself every five minutes.

You get to move differently through the world.

Your Values Aren’t a Vibe—They’re a Compass

Think of a moment when you felt deeply proud of yourself—not because someone praised you, but because you knew you were doing the right thing. What was happening? What were you standing up for? That’s a breadcrumb. Now think of another. And another.

You’ll start to notice a pattern. That pattern is pointing you toward your actual values—the ones that already live inside you. Not the ones in your performance review.

Want to Do the Full Exercise?

Brené Brown offers a free worksheet with dozens of values to choose from, and the challenge is to narrow it down to just two. Yep. Just two. It’s not easy. But it is incredibly clarifying.

You can do it on your own—or even better, with a coach, a therapist, or a trusted friend who can reflect what they hear. That’s where the real magic happens.

Pro tip: I use a version of this exercise with almost all my clients. It’s one of the most transformative tools I’ve seen.

This Is Especially Hard for Women

Women, in particular, are often disconnected from our values—not because we don’t care, but because we’re socialized to prioritize other people’s needs. We’re raised to be helpful, agreeable, supportive.

And while those things are lovely, they can drown out your own voice.

Doing the work of naming what matters to you is not just a self-help exercise. It’s a radical act of leadership.

Ready to Get Started?

Here’s your first step:
Think of one moment when you felt proud, clear, and like yourself. Write it down. Ask: What was I honoring in that moment? Then repeat with two more.

You don’t need a poster. You need a compass. And once you have it? You’ll know exactly where to go next.

Want to Go Deeper?

I’d love to help you do this in coaching or an upcoming workshop. Let’s talk →

Or start by listening to Episode 19 of Hard at Work, where I walk through my own journey with values and the surprising reason a rock-climbing biker poster makes me irrationally angry.